WORDSMITH: A Cavanman’s jokes, they’re priceless
I’m standing outside a café chewing the cud with a friend when I notice a man approaching, a person I don’t know. This man looks at me with a wary eye, and as he slows I wonder if he knows my friend. He stops in front of us, his eyes darting from friend to me, appraising us. I wait for acknowledgement of recognition from my friend; but he looks at me equally bemused by the strange intrusion. Finally, the stranger before us arrives upon his appraisal of my friend and I, “You two look like a right pair of dodgy C***S!”
After the initial shock, I took it as a compliment, thanked him profusely then burst out laughing as he went on his way.
That’s how I like my comedy, when it happens organically and unexpectedly, humour in the absurdity of human nature. I’m not one for going to stand-up comedians. Despite how skilfully they deliver their jokes, I know they’re rehearsed and repeated, and that kind of kills the comedy for me. At the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where new comics test their routines, the public vote on the best joke of the season. This year it was won by Mark Simmons; and here is his award winning rib-tickler: “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I bottled it.”
Personally, it took me a while to get it, and when I did, I didn’t find it that funny. I tested it out on a friend, he flinched and said, “That’s the worst kind of dad joke; it’s punny not funny.”
Funny proper was my uncle Peter, he was the most gifted of comedians. A quiet and unassuming man with an encyclopaedic knowledge of all things GAA; and perfect comedic timing. One evening in the pub after a family event the beer and banter flowed. A woman emboldened by drink decided to publicly declare her fervour for my uncle by shouting across the crowd with desirable abandon, “Peter, yer-a-fine-thing, I want your body!” Peter paused, then with perfect timing turned to deliver his deadpan response, “That’s alright, I’ll get the undertaker to give it to ya.”
I have another uncle who is also a quick wit, let me take you on a journey to one of his jokes. It’s the 90s in London, and in the world of advertising the Wonderbra campaign featuring the model Eva Herzigova with the headline ‘HELLO BOYS’ is a global phenomenon; winning all the gongs going. At the time I was tasked with creating an advertising campaign for a new pain killer that targeted lower back pain. My brief from the client was, “Make back pain sexy.” I kid you not!
Back then, it was all about getting the best photographers to shoot campaigns; and I managed to get an in demand fashionable London photographer to shoot the campaign. It was decided to photograph arty-nude images of beautiful men and women from behind. The headlines placed in the small of their backs read something crass like ‘Targets back pain, BEAUTIFULLY.’ As Kenny Everett would say, “It was all done in the best possible taste.”
Afterwards, the photographer gave me a framed picture of one of the shots; which I subsequently gave to my sister Maria as a Christmas present (there’s a Cavan man joke in that). I forgot all about that picture, until I returned to Ireland and saw Maria had given it pride of place in the downstairs toilet – not the most glorious of galleries to hang a renown photographers' work; he won’t be happy to know his art ended up in the toilet (chuckles).
Anyway, recently my aunt and uncle visited me. On returning from the toilet I noticed my uncle looked puzzled, slightly perturbed. He sat down and shook his head as if to shake off some annoyance. I worried that I may have unwittingly upset him in some way. Eventually he looked at me and said firmly, “Gerard, I keep meaning to tell ya, you have that picture in the toilet hanging up back to front, you need to turn it round.”
His whole set up was a masterclass in comic timing and delivery. My laughter mingled with relief which came from the deepest pit of my belly. As far as comedy goes, it was absolutely priceless.
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