Being a father with a mental health difficulty

Johnny Hunt

See Change Ambassador

Writing this has been a real challenge for me. My mental health issues do not define who I am as a person or parent, I’m just me take it or leave it.

When you have your issues to deal with, you can focus solely on that in the battle to keep well but it is a challenge.

When you add in bringing up children, it certainly makes it an interesting juggling act.

I want to make it clear this is about my journey and I totally respect anyone dealing with a mental health issue, parent or not.

Long before being a dad and, in some of the darkest times, I would totally rule out being one.

I had zero self-belief that I could cope with being a parent when it took every ounce of energy to stay well.

Becoming a father for the first time 12 years ago certainly changed my outlook on life. When you’re handed this little bundle of joy without an instruction manual, well you just do your best and this is my philosophy on life.

Being a dad brings its own challenges but also the joys of all those first-time milestones.

Living with bipolar disorder, you worry that your little ones may have it but you try not to think about that, which is hard as a natural worrier.

You also still have to manage your mental health but the sleepless nights of bipolar are at least a Godsend when dealing with the sleepless nights of a newborn!

The self-care part of managing your mental health, when a dad, is certainly the most challenging as your children’s wellbeing always comes first.

You do put yourself on the backburner at times and, in hindsight, my mental health has probably been affected by that.

You can only do your best.

As you get older, you certainly get wiser as to what works for you - every day is an opportunity to learn to do things differently.

Doing one positive thing for myself every day when juggling life helps for sure - whether it’s going to the gym or going for a walk,

it helps so much to bring calmness.

I have to work really hard to make sure the not so good days don’t impact on my little people but I’m lucky to have a very supportive partner. I’m so proud of my two mini me’s, they are full of fun and loving life - I’m happy and proud. I don’t know if there is a stigma to be being a dad with a mental health issue, I’ve never asked any one! To be honest, it doesn’t define who I am anyway!

Yes, it does make me extra mindful that I try to give my gang the settled childhood that I didn’t have.

I hope it makes life’s pitfalls a bit easier to deal with having gone through them.

To any other dads with a mental health issue or not, just remember you can only do your best.

SUPPORTS

If you are having a tough time at the moment and need to reach out for support, please contact any of the following free 24/7 supports: Samaritans on 116 123, Pieta on 1800 247 247, Text Hello to 50808, email phil@shine.ie or find more information on www.yourmentalhealth.ie