Oran has left a pain in all our hearts
“Don’t even think about it. We don’t need any more of this.”
That was the reaction of Fr Donal Kilduff as he spoke of a condolence message left in memory of Oran Donohoe, the latest young Cavan man to die by suicide.
The 20 year old was laid to rest in Drumavaddy after funeral mass in St Matthew’s Church on Friday. He died by suicide on Tuesday of last week, February 1, and is survived by his heartbroken parents Seamus and Jacinta, siblings Kiara, Regan and Caolain and extended family.
“Oran’s death has reopened scars that we thought were healing,” said Fr Kilduff.
“It has manifested, if I might compare, as a cancer that was in remission, only to return with a vengeance. The doctors say, if you are in remission for five or six years, then you’re in the clear. What did we last? Five or six months.”
Fr Kilduff was clear from the outset that, while Oran had made an impact in his short time and had touched many other people’s lives, his funeral mass was not a celebration of his life. He spoke of the despair and blame many present might have felt over the days previous and remembered his own reaction when told of a friend’s suicide.
“That response was a shock to the guard and was not at all complimentary to my friend.”
Gifts brought to the altar on Friday included a GAA jersey, Denn flag and football, a hardhat to represent Oran’s work, the keys of his car and his driving licence and a certificate from Crosskeys National School to mark Oran’s full attendance.
Fr Kilduff spoke of the impact a death such as this has, on family, friends and wider community, warning this is not a problem confined to a particular area.
Condolences posted online following Oran’s death highlighted just how wide an impact his death has had and how endemic suicide is in the county. One from a “Cootehill mother”, he said, showed this.
“It shows how widespread this problem is. It makes you wonder which community will be next.”
He also spoke of his shock and concern at reading some of the other messages.
“Comments like this next one do me no good at all and are a cause for concern. ‘Rest in peace Oran. I can’t begin to imagine how you all feel. For a lad like myself who knew Oran, it’s heartbreaking. I’ll always remember you, I promise. I will never forget you brother. I’ll see you soon’.
“Hopefully I’m reading it wrong. But it has distressed me,” said the parish priest.
Tributes
Tributes to Oran were widely shared across the county. His local GAA Club in Denn noted the impact his death has had in a large part of Co Cavan.
“The Officers Players and Members of Denn Gfc extend our deepest sympathy to the Donohoe family on the untimely passing of our player and teammate Oran.
In an emotional eulogy, Oran’s older sister Kiara and father Seamus shared stories of happy times spent with him.
Seamus spoke of his part in helping Oran buy a car.
“He was at me about getting a car so I said to him ‘I’ll get you a car if you pass and get your full licence’.... I was saying to myself ‘I hope he fails it’ because it would have put it off for another year or so.”
In a touching speech, Kiara spoke of the embarrassment she could bring to him by collecting him in her Mini. Her final remarks showed the devastation his suicide has brought.
“So the little stories that I have, I hope it helps you all understand that my big, little brother Oran was my best friend. The light of my life, the hole in my pocket and now he has left a pain in my heart, in all our hearts, that’s never going to mend. I love you so much Oran and I just wish I got to tell you that.”
SOSAD Cavan
Save Our Sons and Daughters (Sosad) Ireland is a suicide prevention and awareness group.
CIt provides a completely free counselling service and the Cavan branch is based at 26 Bridge Street.
Services are for anyone who needs support along with those who have been bereaved by suicide.
Phone lines are also in operation 24 hours a day. Call 049-4326339.
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