‘Just be kind to one another’

TRAGEDY Community mourns loss of young life

The community line the entrance to St Matthew’s Church, Drumavaddy, as the hearse carries the body of a young man who died by suicide. A Lexus bearing the registration ‘RIP Eden Heaslip 7/9/2003-20/9/2021’ speaks in numbers of that tragedy.

The solemn faced young people in school uniforms, a family bereft by grief, the sobbing of those who struggle to come to terms with this senseless loss of life. In a deeply moving ecumenical service, family and friends bid farewell to Eden Ray Heaslip, Killynanum, Carrickaboy, Cavan. Many members of the congregation wore sports jerseys. The purple of the Galway hurlers is particularly prominent.

The 18 year old is the beloved youngest son of Raymond and Maggie and brother to Chloe and Finn. His special relationship with his grandmother, Bridie McGovern, is mentioned. The church is as full as allowed, many more remain outside. The pallbearers don’t want to take their hands off the simple pine coffin, holding on a little longer to the boy with the broad smile.

The service is led by Fr Jason Murray and concelebrated by Fr Donal Kilduff and Church of Ireland Canon Mark Lidwill. At the start of the service Eden’s friend, Jack, gives an emotional reading of a poignant poem conveying the anguish of losing someone as close as a brother. It’s just two weeks since the young man celebrated his 18th birthday.

The symbols brought up to the altar reflect his youth: Nutella, sweets, fast food voucher, cards, a speaker, an X Box controller, a sliotar used in Galway’s U21 2007 All Ireland final win, and car keys.

Canon Lidwill calls on God to comfort Eden’s family in this dark hour. He remarks on Eden’s “big, warm smile”. Canon Lidwill tells the congregation the young man’s “kind and sensitive” nature made him conscious of the feelings of others.

“It is so terribly tragic that Eden should become a victim of words and deeds and gross insensitivity, unkindness and cruelty. Those very things that were alien to Eden’s character and drove him into to a dark place beyond the reach of everyone, so he felt no alternative, but to end his own life.”

Canon Lidwill pleads with all in attendance to “be kind to one another” saying: “Kindness lies at the heart of every Christian denomination and indeed every world religion. It is the key to bonding every human relationship. It is a gift everyone can give.”

He concludes saying: “In a world where we can be anything, just be kind to one another.”

Breifne College chaplain Fr Jason Murphy said, while a student, Eden had encountered bullying and confided in him:

“He told me of a suffering he had carried within, a suffering that no man with shoulders broader than his could ever endure. I sat and I cried in front of this boy as he told me of his everyday, a pain of the heart and a pain of the mind, that had left scars deep - deep where no one could see.

“He told me of this pain without emotion as if this was to be his normal and everyday, a pain he had come to accept, a pain that in fact he had befriended. It had become part of who he was, stripping him of the joy that should accompany teenage years,” Fr Jason says.

The Breifne College Chaplain calls on people to be conscious of their actions: “Words hurt, actions hurt, excluding people, allowing them to feel unwanted or worthless or so very small so that you can grow bigger in the eyes of others. We all participate if we stand by and say nothing whether it is as children in a playground or as adults allowing others to be demeaned.”

Fr Jason entreats young people to look beyond such hurting:

“Having heard the pain that Eden went through, I must repeat what I said at Matthew Gaffney and Jason Cobey’s funeral who both died but a year ago, just a stone’s throw away, that taking your own life is not the answer.”

Remembering the good times

Finn reads a poem and Chloe’s memories of her brother are heart warming recollections. She asks people to write down their memories of Eden and post them to her: “Eden deserves to be remembered for the good times. We love you so much Eden and I hope you found peace.”

He had so much talent

Eden's father hopes for justice for his son: “I want any young people who saw this bullying happen to know they can go to the Gardaí in confidence about it.”

He feels a confidential phone number could help in this regard: “There has to be something there. I would like a number made available that anyone who saw it could ring. We know people witnessed it, we saw the messages people left on social media. We want to know they can go to the Gardaí about this.”

The father's heartbreak is clear when he speaks of his son. “His personality was unreal. He was so witty. Teachers would ask him a question and he would always have an answer, maybe not the right answer, but always something poetic,” Raymond tells.

“He was a talented man. Every project he did at school was done to the last. He brought home a woodwork piece and you would not get a pin between the joints. He got third prize in a Home Economic project and he was very proud of it...

“He had great hands, and a great future, but all that is gone now. It's an awful waste of a life because he had so much talent,” the father laments.

SUPPORTS

* SOSAD Cavan, 049-4326339

* Pieta House, 1800-247-247 or text HELP to 51444

* The Samaritans, freephone 116-123, available 24 hours a day

* Childline, freephone 1800-666-666, or free text 50101