Bishop Router addresses parental alienation and domestic violence

A former Cavan priest has used his homily to highlight the issue of parental alienation ahead of the international day of awareness of the issue this coming Sunday, April 25.

In his homily, Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese of Armagh, Michael Router, noted that childhood is “short” and that any substantial period of conflict and separation can often lead to a parent missing “significant moments” such as First Communion and Confirmation. “Such moments can never be repeated.”

Speaking at Mass for the Third Sunday of Easter, at Saint James Church, Grange, Co Louth, the Virginia native acknowledged that parental alienation, as a problem, has garnered increasing coverage by the media in recent times.

Explaining the issue, Bishop Router said: "Parental Alienation often takes place when one parent tries to distance his or her children from the other parent when a marriage or relationship ends. Sometimes it is justified for a child to be separated from a parent because of threatening behaviour. In the case of parental alienation, however, there is no such reason. The courts have recognised that the parent should have access to their children, yet the other parent refuses to allow it.

"Such a denial of the rights of children to have a loving relationship with both parents has long-lasting and damaging consequences for a child. It often involves being cut off from one side of the family including grandparents, who also suffer greatly as a result. As childhood is short and any substantial period of conflict and separation can lead to a parent missing significant moments in a child’s life such as First Communion and Confirmation. Such moments can never be repeated."

Bishop Router stated that many had been through, to a greater or lesser degree, a traumatic experience in the past year and also referenced the rise in incidences of domestic violence.

“COVID-19 has presented many challenges to us as a society, through the stress on our health system and economy, and as individuals in our relationships and family life. Unfortunately, one of the manifestations of these challenges is a sharp increase in domestic violence,” he said.

He prayed for the “gift of peace” for those living in such circumstances.

“Human weakness will always give rise to conflict and misunderstanding, which can lead to difficulties in trust and commitment. The internal and external pressures that married couples experience can lead to the breakdown of relationships that previously were loving and committed. Thankfully, most couples in this situation work hard to solve their problems and some engage in marriage counselling to rebuild their relationships.”

As Vice-President of Accord, the marriage preparation and counselling service, Bishop Router said he knows that many couples have sought relationship counselling to help them find stability and a way forward.

“Yet we all know that sometimes, there is little prospect of a marriage relationship being repaired and this is difficult and painful for all concerned. Where there are children involved, it adds a complexity that, if not handled sensitively, can have negative effects. It is incumbent on all parties to create an environment that is supportive to children and ensures that, where it is not threatening or abusive, they can maintain a relationship with both their mother and father.”