Its all or nothing young gay man

A local mother has spoken passionately about the upcoming referendum on same-sex marriage and the difference a 'Yes’ vote on May 22 would make to the life of her son who has been openly gay since age 13. Mother-of-five Maria Jordan O’Reilly from Bailieborough says she has always instilled in her children a sense of standing up for what they believe in, and “not just follow, like sheep”.
Her eldest son Emmet (26), who 'came out’ as gay to family and friends in his early teens, is currently among the ranks of those campaigning for a 'Yes’ vote in Dublin where he lives and works. His mum Maria has now given her backing to the cause via an eloquently written, and effusive open letter (see page 27).
“As a mother I couldn’t have done anything for my children other than support them and tell them they could be who they wanted to be,” Maria told The Anglo-Celt. “I told them that sometimes they’re going to walk to the beat of a different drum and that I said, was okay.”
With Emmet’s blessing, Maria wrote the epistle from a personal perspective outlining what it’s like having son who came out at an early age, the subsequent trials and tribulations he faced, and her unnerving belief that everyone should be treated equally. For the Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual and Transgender community in Ireland, May 22 could be a real step towards that, Maria says.
“I don’t do re-writes,” says Maria, as she describes sitting down and writing the letter in one fluid piece of correspondence. “I just wrote from the heart, in what I believe in and about just how proud I am of him for coming out as he did, because it took great strength of courage.”
From finding himself as 'the only gay in the village’ outting himself age 13, Maria says one of the toughest challenges for all concerned was in looking on as others reacted to Emmet’s revelation about his own sexual orientation.
“He was the only boy in his year to bring a male date to his debs, and while most were fine with it, they were both attacked on the way home that night. Thankfully they were not badly hurt, and this was due to the intervention of friends who saw that what was happening was wrong,” she said.
Emmet, who went on to complete a Masters Degree, and now currently works for a charity in a support role for homeless teenagers and young adults, will make someone a wonderful partner someday says Maria. “If he does I’d like to think he’ll be afforded the same rights as any other person in a partnership. He deserves the right to have the state recognise his commitment to another human being, and to have the rights and protection accorded by law to every other couple in this country.”

Divorce referendum
Those rights, Maria says, were crucial in her own life path, and only afforded to her as a result of a past referendum, the Fifteenth Amendment of the Constitution of Ireland, which repealed the prohibition of divorce in 1995.
“I myself was separated, divorced and I’ve now remarried. If that referendum hadn’t happened, I’m not saying myself and my husband wouldn’t be together now, but we’d be partners as opposed to husband and wife.
“We wouldn’t have the legal protection of our family home, or god forbid, if I was an abused partner, which I’m not, I wouldn’t have the full protection of the courts because we weren’t married. So there is a whole realm of legal stuff that comes with the recognition of marriage that doesn’t come with civil partnership,” Maria told the Celt.
Speaking at their home in east Cavan last week, both verbalise a scenario where civil rights are recognised between same-sex partners but they do have the same rights afforded to married couples.
“There are situations where gay or lesbian couples have been together years, and family may not approve, where one or other gets ill and then the partner is excluded from any proceedings because they’re not the next of kin. These are people who could have spent their lives together, and it is wrong of the State not to fully recognise that commitment. If people love each other and they want to enter into marriage, then why stop them? Why not recognise that?” asks Emmet, who has been in a loving relationship with his partner for the past six months.
Because of Maria’s active encouragement throughout his life, and her readiness to speak out ahead of the May 22 vote, Emmet is as equally proud of his mum as he is of who he is and his sexuality. A positive outcome in the referendum he says would “mean the world” to him and others he knows.
“For me I’ll have the option to consider marriage. It’s as simple as that. That means all of the things that come with marriage. What I had imagined my life would be, will change!
“Mam marched in Dublin Gay Pride with me a few years ago. That has been my proudest moment to date, walking up O’Connell Street surrounded the peers of my community. She was there by my side. I mean, I know people who’d die for that. I am not defined by my sexuality, but it is part of who I am. I know people who can’t even speak to their parents about their sexuality for fear of what might happen.”
He says the reason why 'coming out’ is considered such a big thing, “why it is the big secret it is, is that people genuinely don’t know whether things will be okay after it. We live in a homophobic country. To come out in some cases is to risk it all. May 22 is like that for many of us. We are risking it all. We need a Yes vote. It’s all or nothing,” says Emmet.